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Happy Birthday HannaIDA by PianoWeb Happy Birthday HannaIDA :iconpianoweb:PianoWeb 8 13
Literature
Secret Suicide
All my life I've always hidden
what I really am,
for what I really stand,
And the diseases that I am ridden
Every night to lie in bed
crying, trying to think
dying, dancing on the brink
of the realms of the living, and the dead.
Love is hate, and hate is mercy
condemnation is a blessing
and prosperity is enstressing
kindness depends on what anger sees.
Gunshots ringing in my skull
killing in only spite
channeling all my might
falling asleep too the bloody lull
Figures dancing across my sight
ignorantly brandishing murder
wicked takers, soul herders
haughty brawlers in a never-ending fight.
Secrets swirl around my feet
forming acrimonious lies
then stained, thinks of ways I can die
they ripple and whisper in an eerie sheet.
They feed me tales of betrayal
and stories of demise
telling how I will try countless times
and in my efforts slay all.
So I figured, why kill others when I can kill myself?
I draw the knife,
Tie the knot,
Load the chamber,
Choose the pills.
I breathe in...
and out,
:iconPianoWeb:PianoWeb
:iconpianoweb:PianoWeb 18 31
I Missed You by PianoWeb I Missed You :iconpianoweb:PianoWeb 17 23 Untitled by PianoWeb Untitled :iconpianoweb:PianoWeb 16 0 Merry Chrysler by PianoWeb Merry Chrysler :iconpianoweb:PianoWeb 15 34
Literature
3 a.m.
I wiggle out from under my blanket
And whisper, "are you there?"
When no one answered back
That signals my starting flare.
I Google my desires
And it promptly pulls it up.
My heart is racing fast
And my phone screen all lit up.
Straining and paining
I keep it up right now
My right hand aches a lot
And I wonder why and how.
What is this relaxation,
What is this dark sensation?
Soft and exhausted,
Sore with manipulation.
I draw in a long deep breath
Then slowly let it out
I hate this and I love this
I want to die and shout.
I try not to feel the aftermath
The discomfort and the claim
Of happiness and pleasure
And that it's all just the same.
I shut my eyes but remember
Of my punishments
Not inflicted from outside
But from my own sad conscience.
I brush aside the guilt
And the vulgar, wretched blame
But in my head I know
This is a dangerous game.
I roll over and stupidly
Tell myself I didn't do them
Those wrongs and evil deeds
In the dark at 3 a.m.
:iconPianoWeb:PianoWeb
:iconpianoweb:PianoWeb 8 0
Literature
When I Get To Heaven. . .
I rage against what I am
I rage against what I do
I rage against what I'm letting myself become. . .
Conformed to this sin-cursed world, I struggle to be free.
But the wicked scoff and lay hold of me, tearing my flesh from my bones until I am nothing but a shredded corpse.
This evil, greedy heart within me licks it's lips when I fall prey,
when I lie, when I cheat, when I forget to pray.
I cannot live if I am already dead, so please. Revive me. Lift me to your heavenly realms that I might be able to understand what you feel for me- why you loved me so much.
Gone like a fleeting shadow, a vapor- here only for an instant.
The pleasures and spoils of malice quickly spoil when I spoil myself with lies.
I know what's wrong and I know how to fix it. I plea and cry in frustrating, trying to learn what happened, but I only ever up hurting my soul.
So please. . . promise me a hug when I get to heaven
:iconPianoWeb:PianoWeb
:iconpianoweb:PianoWeb 9 5
Literature
It's You
The dread of seeing you when I wake up consumes me till I want to cry
The pain I glean when interacting with you hurts so much I'd rather die
You rip me
You trip me
You hit me
You slit me
Not in actuality of course, because physical wounds usually heal.
But mental ones, you will always feel
:iconPianoWeb:PianoWeb
:iconpianoweb:PianoWeb 4 18
I Missed Having You By My Side by PianoWeb I Missed Having You By My Side :iconpianoweb:PianoWeb 11 6 The Mystic's Eye by PianoWeb The Mystic's Eye :iconpianoweb:PianoWeb 12 3
Literature
Fear
Embarrassed and shy
Covered by lie
Alone and terrified
All fear magnified
Fear of humiliation
Fear or reconciliation
Fear of identity
Fear of entity
Fear of nothing
Fear of everything
Fear of rejection
Fear or reflection
Fear or exposure
Fear of composure
Fear of sharing
Fear of despairing
Hole in your heart
Missing a part
Scared of self
And scared of all.
Scared that we'll leave you
Once and for all.
:iconPianoWeb:PianoWeb
:iconpianoweb:PianoWeb 8 11
Just One More Time. . . by PianoWeb Just One More Time. . . :iconpianoweb:PianoWeb 6 0 No. Never. I'm gone. by PianoWeb No. Never. I'm gone. :iconpianoweb:PianoWeb 10 0
Literature
Eyes
It has been said
Eyes are the windows to the soul,
But let me ask you.
Have you ever been to Sheol?
Have you ever experienced death, and in the end, still have breath?
Have you ever been sent to hell and come back as well?
Have you ever beheld scary horrors simply be looking into the soul's doors?
Have you ever seen demise dance about in a person's eyes?
Yes, it had been said that they are windows-
Framed and painted, some with brown, some with blue.
For through The eyes you can see pain
You can see a soul lay slain.
For through the eyes one can see,
The bearer's life,
And inner beauty.
For through the eyes one can see,
The bearer's death
And desperate pleas.
The eyes belie what we feel inside.
Wether you want to cry or want to fly,
You cannot hide the inside.
Many have tried.
Be strong and be true,
Let it shine through
Whatever you'll see
Whatever you'll be
However hard you try
I can see it in your eye.
You're alone and you're scared,
Your happiness ensnared.
Pent up in soul's windows
:iconPianoWeb:PianoWeb
:iconpianoweb:PianoWeb 18 14
Feet on the ground, Head in the clouds by PianoWeb Feet on the ground, Head in the clouds :iconpianoweb:PianoWeb 15 55
Literature
How was life?
How's romance?
I won't say I'm in love
Are you okay?
None of the above
What's up?
I only rove
I hate feeling this way
I love feeling this way
I can be so much more
I can do things better
But I'm sad to the core
My own mind is my fetter
Is this really me?
Am I really free?
It's not just a dream
Because it's darker
I'm not all that I seem
Because I'm deeper
I need help
But I like feeling like this.
I'm such a welp
But I hate feeling like this.
Why don't I want to feel better?
I'm not happy
I've heard it heals to write a letter
But that feels so sappy
I hate feeling this way
I love feeling this way
I can be so much more
I can do things better
But I'm sad to the core
My own mind is my fetter
Is this really me?
Am I really free?
Just leave me alone
But don't go away
I don't want to hone
My skill to tame the fray
Keep me stable
Or is that term a lie?
Is it a fable?
An excuse for being shy
I don't know what's truth
It's all too relative now.
I stay past closing in the diner booth
Wondering ho
:iconPianoWeb:PianoWeb
:iconpianoweb:PianoWeb 12 16

Favourites

Journal
Tagged
Nobody 
1. What does your Deviantart name mean and why?

Horsefinity
I made it up when I was 9 years old and I needed a username for Minecraft
At the time, I was obsessed with horses and thought I would be forever
So I combined "horse" with "infinity"
I only keep it now because I still love the name
2. What fandom were you obsessed with when you joined and what are you into now?
I was in the Five Nights at Freddy's, My Little Pony, Warriors, and Wings of Fire
Now I'm in Warriors, Wings of Fire, furries, Steven Universe, Creepypasta, and a whole lot more
3. How many watchers do you have now?
194 and I'm pretty sure most of them are dead accounts

4. Name 3 of your favorite artists on DA.

uhhhhhhhhhhhh those will be my inspirations
Nobody Nobody Nobody 
5. Or lack there of, move along…
o3o
6. Do you participate in clubs' contests here on dA?
Nope
7. What is your most popular submissi
:iconHorsefinity:Horsefinity
:iconhorsefinity:Horsefinity 3 19
OC Asher by lunarwolf95 OC Asher :iconlunarwolf95:lunarwolf95 4 2 Love From Afar by emoretional Love From Afar :iconemoretional:emoretional 6 6 Zeus 85 by jyacini Zeus 85 :iconjyacini:jyacini 20 3 Mother and Cub by jyacini Mother and Cub :iconjyacini:jyacini 35 18 Sleep? whats that by NostalgicFandomChick Sleep? whats that :iconnostalgicfandomchick:NostalgicFandomChick 50 22 Bala by DarkHybrd Bala :icondarkhybrd:DarkHybrd 6 5 Messin Around by porkc00kies Messin Around :iconporkc00kies:porkc00kies 2 4 Stare off by Archivist-Kayl Stare off :iconarchivist-kayl:Archivist-Kayl 25 1
Literature
My Hero
I'm lost in this limbo
Stuck
No way to escape
I've been told there is one way
To be happy
Truely happy
I can't
I feel helpless
Hopeless
Hated
Shut out
Invisible
I don't feel recognized for my talents and my gifts
So still
I feel hopeless
Guess you could say I'm a ghost
I can't be seen
There's this someone calling out to me
Who's there?
Is that-
No, it can't be
It is. . .
It's Blue
I feel happy now
He mentioned all my talents and said he liked it
No, wait
He said he loves it
Including me, myself
I feel an urge of glee sprouting out
I pass out
Where am I?
"Home" A voice said
Odd, that voice sounds familiar
My eyes open and you know who I see?
That's right. . .
Blue
The wonderful golden retriever
I'm free
I want to thank you
For everything you've done for me
I'll repay you with something I haven't done to you in a while
I think you know what it is
I run up and lick you all over your face
"I missed you" you said
"I missed you too" I replied back
Please don't leave me
After all, you're my h
:iconWolfySaysWoof:WolfySaysWoof
:iconwolfysayswoof:WolfySaysWoof 1 7
Literature
Dear Diary
When you always try your best
But it’s never good enough
Do you eventually give up?
All I want is to finally rest
But sometimes it seems being tough
Is what it means to be a grown-up.
When my mother was a little child
She thought the rain was angel tears
I slew a part of me to separate my soul
From hers, since she was exiled  
Seasons have passed, it’s been years
I’ll never forgive, but fill that black hole.
I won’t heal anything by listening
To Melissa’s Hanna on repeat
Hanna kommer hem från Arlöv, no  
Self-pitying is sickening
To succeed, would I ever cheat?
I don’t think so.
I’m just somebody I used to know
Now I can’t trust in what I once knew
None of my plans turn out right  
Sucking at life is a heavy blow
But all I can do is keep trying anew
And perhaps do more than just write.  
Dear diary, I hate how you take notice
You’re the one who never leaves me deserted
As I fill your pages with inactivi
:iconHannaIDA:HannaIDA
:iconhannaida:HannaIDA 5 17
Furball Official Reference Sheet 2018 by SalaAlternate Furball Official Reference Sheet 2018 :iconsalaalternate:SalaAlternate 81 88 Donut Son by BurntShady Donut Son :iconburntshady:BurntShady 25 24 Beep, bloop, bloam. Goodbye to your home. by Pookadook4 Beep, bloop, bloam. Goodbye to your home. :iconpookadook4:Pookadook4 26 10
Journal
Back from my break!
I'm back from taking a break and I'll be resuming regular activity here on dA ^^
I had a good rest and thought about a lot of things while on break. Don't worry about me though, I'm okay c:
Thank you for the comments you left, though! You're all too sweet <3
:iconSalaAlternate:SalaAlternate
:iconsalaalternate:SalaAlternate 3 24
The Aztecs Play by NukeyFox The Aztecs Play :iconnukeyfox:NukeyFox 8 6

Activity


snow on E a s t e r


. . . unbelievable
Happy Birthday HannaIDA
Happy Birthday HannaIDA !!! You're an amazing person, very upbeat, always encouraging when I'm down, and a phenomenal poet!
Three cheers on your special day!
:party:
:party:
:party:
Loading...
I just noticed how cute baby donkeys are.
The surgery went very well and I'm home now. I was still a little loopy when this picture was taken. Thank you to all of you who prayed for/wished me luck!

embedded_item1521159699784 by PianoWeb
All my life I've always hidden
what I really am,
for what I really stand,
And the diseases that I am ridden

Every night to lie in bed
crying, trying to think
dying, dancing on the brink
of the realms of the living, and the dead.

Love is hate, and hate is mercy
condemnation is a blessing
and prosperity is enstressing
kindness depends on what anger sees.

Gunshots ringing in my skull
killing in only spite
channeling all my might
falling asleep too the bloody lull

Figures dancing across my sight
ignorantly brandishing murder
wicked takers, soul herders
haughty brawlers in a never-ending fight.

Secrets swirl around my feet
forming acrimonious lies
then stained, thinks of ways I can die
they ripple and whisper in an eerie sheet.

They feed me tales of betrayal
and stories of demise
telling how I will try countless times
and in my efforts slay all.

So I figured, why kill others when I can kill myself?

I draw the knife,

Tie the knot,

Load the chamber,

Choose the pills.






I breathe in...
and out,







Then thrust,

jump,

shoot,

swallow.



If only those secrets weren't so clever
as to devise
a plot to kill me and feed me lies.
Secret Suicide
I know I haven't uploaded a poem in a long while and, honestly, it was stupid of me. I keep too many thoughts pent up inside me until I nearly did something stupid. Stupid and dangerous.

But anyways, I do still write. Not as frequently as I did because of familial issues in real life. I hope you like it ':3
Loading...
    One of my friends (I'll just refer to him as AJ) is usually very dry and sarcastic. He's never really shown any deep, sympathetic care for anyone feelings- indifferent and sometimes unfriendly. And he never talks about his life. Ever.

    Well, on Saturday during our Robotics meeting, AJ was being his usual self, until this very little boy showed up at the door. His name was Sammy. He came to watch for the day because he was interested in joining the robotics team when he was older. Sammy sort of sat by himself, after his mum left, watching everything that was going on, until (very unexpectedly) AJ asked him if he wanted to see how to build a robot.

    We were all somewhat taken aback, but let AJ continue. He showed Sammy how to use all the pieces and how to program the robot as well as connect the USB cables and sensor cords. We were shocked. During lunch, AJ poured Sammy's drink for him and carried his food to the table for him too.

    After Sammy's mother came pick him up, I asked AJ why he was so nice to that little boy.

    He simply gave me a pained sideways look and said, "you know, when I was a little kid, all I ever got was crap. I just don't. . ." AJ's voice trailed off.

    "You don't want anyone to have to go through that either," I replied.

    He just nodded and went back to work.



    To be completely honest, I was shaken to the core. No one has ever met AJ's parents and all we know is that he spends a lot of time at his grandparents house. I just wish I knew more about him. In that moment, I saw compassion and love in him; it was strange.

deviantID

PianoWeb's Profile Picture
PianoWeb
Blue
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
Interests

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:icontheskypack:
TheSkyPack Featured By Owner May 16, 2018  Professional General Artist
*Hugs* How are ya pal?!
Reply
:iconmorozdalisa:
MorozDaLisa Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2018
your gallery is amazing,
Reply
:iconpianoweb:
PianoWeb Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
And your personality is even better
Reply
:iconmorozdalisa:
MorozDaLisa Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2018
no u








thank you,,, >w<
Reply
:iconpianoweb:
PianoWeb Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
I love you <3 but you probably already know that ':]
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconthedragoniscreator:
TheDragonisCreator Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2018  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
YOU HAVE BEEN HUGGED >u<
Spread the Love Around! (You Can Copy And Paste This Message On Their Userpage!)
RULES:
1- you can hug the person who hugged you!
2- you MUST hug 10 other people. At least!
3- you should hug them in public! Paste it on their page!
4- random hugs for random people are perfectly okay! (and sweet)
5- you should most definitely get started by hugging right away
send this to all your friends and me if I am one
And if you get seven back then you are loved a ton!

I'm hugging you back because true hugs needs at least two hugs.
Reply
:iconpianoweb:
PianoWeb Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
Yaaaaaayy!!
*Hughughug*
Reply
:iconthedragoniscreator:
TheDragonisCreator Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2018  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Lots of hugs! >w<
Reply
:iconpianoweb:
PianoWeb Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
Lerts erv hergs '\._./`
Reply
:iconjyacini:
jyacini Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2018  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
YOU HAVE BEEN HUGGED >u<
Spread the Love Around! (You Can Copy And Paste This Message On Their Userpage!)
RULES:
1- you can hug the person who hugged you!
2- you MUST hug 10 other people. At least!
3- you should hug them in public! Paste it on their page!
4- random hugs for random people are perfectly okay! (and sweet)
5- you should most definitely get started by hugging right away
send this to all your friends and me if I am one
And if you get seven back then you are loved a ton!

;) (Wink)
so sweet of you. thanks!
Reply
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